Getting to Know You

 My wife and I have been married a long time. We've known each other just a little longer than we've been a couple. We have a great relationship. Go back and read the second sentence again. We "rushed in." Elvis may think us foolish but it worked out pretty well. I love her as much as I ever did and I'm pretty sure she means it when she says she loves me. We have a nice time together. We enjoy one another's company. Even the romance is still strong, nudge nudge wink wink say no more! 

I believe the lesson here is that you don't really need to get to know a person before getting married. Well, maybe that's an oversimplification. I think there has to be attraction, you have to know each other as well as you can without the benefit of years, and you have to get along.

When people have asked me the secret to the success of my marriage, I always give the same answer: our values are aligned. We want the same things. We are committed to the same things. We agree on how or kids should be raised. We worship in the same way. We like a lot of the same things, and more importantly, we believe the same things.

Our values are aligned. What does this mean?

We are committed to one another and we believe in the institution of marriage. We believe we made a commitment that must be honored for life. We didn't take the decision to get married lightly so it stands to reason that a decision to part ways would also be taken seriously.

Our values are aligned when it comes to money, to family, to work, to everything. This is why our marriage works.

This is not to say that we have a perfect marriage. No one does. We have our ups and downs. We fight. We disagree. We get on each other's nerves. I always love my wife. I don't always like her. I'm sure she would say the same thing about me. Maybe she won't be as nice about it as I am not as lovable as I'd like to believe I am.

That being said, Happy Birthday, Abdaliz. I love you now and always.

When No One is Watching

December 13, 2021

 I've heard it said that character is what you do when no one is watching. I believe this. I also believe character is revealed when we don't know exactly who has their eye on us.

We had a situation last week. A client came into our place of business, upset about something that had nothing to do with us. An IT situation was affecting 427 of our clients. All of them understood that we were working hard to make our clients' life easier. All except one. 

This poor excuse for a man decided to berate my wife while I was working with other clients. He left her in tears. When I approached him to ask if he'd like to talk to me this way. He said he had nothing to say to me. I (not) very calmly informed him that if he ever spoke to my wife that way again, he would leave this place in an ambulance.

I'm not proud of my behavior, but the fact that I didn't crush his larynx is proof of what a kind and patient man I am.

Why? Because when our security guard approached him and explained that I was angry because I was defending my wife, his answer was, "oh, I didn't realize he was her husband." as if attacking an unattached woman is somehow okay.

I am all for equality between men and women. I believe in equal treatment and protection under the law. But I recognize that we are not the same. Men are stronger and more aggressive. More often than not, in domestic violence situations, it is the man who assaults the woman. A man yells and exhibits violent behavior to a woman, she is likely going to be intimidated.

This man understood this. He chose to be a jerk and scare a woman. I made him eat his own cooking. He didn't like it at all.

We can be equal and still recognize our differences. Men are physically stronger than women. Women beat men at everything else.