Counting Down

In five days, my daughter will be going away to college. I am dying. I knew this day would come. In fact, I always encouraged her to look for schools in other states. I told her being away from home is a legit part of the college - learning - growing up experience. The one time the kid listens to her father!

I am happy for her and I am proud. She applied to one school and was accepted. She is the only one of her graduating class that is going to be attending college away from home. She'll be nearly two thousand miles and two time zones away. I've never lived that far from her or even from my own parents. It's scary and it's exciting. And I'm sad that she won't be here every day. I'm sad that this place, which has been her home since before her first birthday, will seem  a little emptier without her. Okay, a lot emptier. She took her first steps here. She was potty trained here. She is an enormous part of what makes this a home.

So, I'm a little depressed and I am hating the march of time this week. I want my little girl to stay forever, but I know this simply cannot be. She will always be my little girl, even when she is far away. I have to accept it, but I sure as hell don't have to like it.

Adolfo Jimenez is an author, poet, and blogger. He lives in Hollywood, Florida. He has published eight books, which you can find here.

<script data-ad-client="ca-pub-8729603388037550" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>

The Nomadic Imperative

Often you will hear someone tell you they want to live a nice quiet life. We have been convinced that all we really want is some variation of what we see on TV. A spouse, a kid or two, maybe a dog or a cat, perhaps a witty guinea pig or a bird. We want a car and we want two weeks vacation every year plus weekends off. Except the guinea pig and the bird. They're relatively new. And I'm allergic to cats so I have two dogs.

This has been my life for nearly thirty years and I can tell you I was sold a lie.

This is not to say I haven't been happy. I have been. I am happy. But, I am also restless. I feel like I am cheating myself. I feel like I am giving up on my dreams. I remind myself that I am young enough to still go out and do the things I want to do. Then my back hurts, and I remember I am not as young as I imagine myself to be. Young at heart, old just about everywhere else.

Is this what Thoreau meant when he talked about men living lives of quiet desperation? Is this why I work to fill the void? I don't really know. I don't think anyone could know. I do know it sucks and while the intensity of these feelings increases and decreases, they never quite go away.

I've lived in the same area most of my life. I am, as I write this, 30 minutes from where I grew up, went to school, learned to drive, and lost my virginity. I long to move, but I have responsibilities. I want to walk, to seize the road, but I can't. It would be irresponsible, and I can't do that.

Ernest Hemingway said that to live in one land is captivity. Well, shit. He was right. Not that everyone who lives a stable, successful middle-class existence is unhappy. I can see people choosing this life. I can see its appeal. Maybe it's because I have no choice that I feel the urge to move on.

I feel the urge, but I will fight the urge. I ain't going nowhere. For now. But if I do decide to go, you'll read it here first.

The views expressed by the author are his alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone anywhere.

Adolfo Jimenez is the chair of the elections committee of the Libertarian Party of Broward County. He is an author, poet, and blogger. He lives in Hollywood, Florida. He has published eight books, which you can find here.

<script data-ad-client="ca-pub-8729603388037550" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>

The Black Water

I get sad sometimes. I mean, everybody gets sad sometimes. I get depressed. Yesterday, a friend of mine showed me a meme he'd seen on Instagram. It showed the faces of entertainers who have committed suicide. These were people who were outwardly happy and seemed to have it all. He told me the meme made him think of me. Because I tend to be the class clown. I strike people as being impossibly happy - until I'm not.

I am a joker. I am happy-go-lucky. I've had people half my age call me a child. I out-kid my kids. But now and then I find myself swimming in the black water. Sometimes, it happens for no reason that I can name. Sometimes, it is triggered. It's always fairly debilitating.

The important thing is that I've learned enough about myself to recognize when I'm swimming in the black water, and I can deal with it. I try to work as I normally would to keep my mind occupied. I keep my distance from people. I don't want them to hurt me and I don't want to hurt them. I endure. No drugs, prescription or otherwise. I take a little time and I work through the issues, if there are any, and I occupy my mind.

I'm not saying that people who suffer from depression shouldn't get help. I'm a big believer in therapy. I believe in having a support system. I believe in self awareness.

So, if you are like me in the sense that every now and then you get depressed and feel hopeless or lost, please don't let yourself believe that it's a situation with no way out. There is always a way out and as Robert Frost said, "The best way out is through."

For a writer, everything can be fuel for the fire. Even the things that feel like the opposite of fuel. Sometimes art comes from pain, and the light shines in the dark places. Don't be afraid to package your sadness, your pain, your anger, your fear, and even your happiness into a story, a painting, a poem, or a song. Everything's been said before, but not by you. It is your uniqueness and personal life experience that separate you from the billions of people you share the planet with. Sharing that point of view will enrich the world and will serve as therapy for you. Trust me. I just did it.



Adolfo Jimenez is a writer living against his will in Hollywood, Florida.  His latest release is Scenes from a 1979 Ford Fairmont, a short book of poems. Get it on Amazon!

Check him out here!